


Let It Be Me

by BowleggedNerd



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Comfort, Daddy Issues, Declarations Of Love, Episode: s05e16 Dark Side of the Moon, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Physical Abuse (mentioned), Profound Bond, Samulet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-27 04:13:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5033281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BowleggedNerd/pseuds/BowleggedNerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after "Dark Side of the Moon" (5x16)</p><p>Dean is having a hard time getting over what he saw in Sam's heaven, so he goes for a drive. On the open highway, Dean begins to relax, but his mind wanders to Cas. Hoping that Cas is okay after losing faith in his father, Dean prays to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let It Be Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, y'all! I got bored between classes and figured I'd write a little one-shot. I re-watched this episode last night with my dad's girlfriend, and I forgot how much I love it because it's such a pivotal point for Sam, Dean, and Cas and their faith in God and each other. Enjoy!
> 
> I'm dedicating this to my Cas, the birthday girl, Allie Cat (twitter: @CanYouDigElvis). I love you!
> 
> Comments are greatly appreciated! :-)

It had been a rough week. After all, when have Sam and Dean's lives ever not been rough? The search for God was a bust, though they were hopeful that Joshua could've changed that. God was on earth, and He didn't give a damn about all the suffering and torment that had been going on ever since Lucifer got topside. Some savior He was...

After Sam and Dean's trip to the attic, Dean was absolutely heartbroken, but he'd never admit that. All of the memories Sam relived upstairs were about getting away from Dad and - whether he "didn't think of it that way" or not - Dean. What's that saying? One man's heaven is another man's hell? That was exactly the case. Sam's greatest hits were some of the worst times of Dean's life.

The night Sam ran away on Dean's watch that one time in Flagstaff was an absolute hell. Dad was out on an unsuccessful shifter hunt, so he was already in a terrible mood when he returned to the motel where the boys were hold up. Sammy was gone, and Dean was left to blame. Sure, John had hit him before when he got drunk or transferred his anger onto Dean whenever he thought about Mary's death, but none of that could've been compared to the beating he received when Sam hauled ass. The night Sam left for Stanford was another memory covered in cuts and bruises.

 _"Everybody leaves you, Dean. You notice?"_ Zachariah's twisted version of Mary's voice echoed in Dean's ears as he sped down a deserted highway.

Sam was back at the motel fast asleep. Dean sneaked out for a well needed drive in attempt to clear his head after all the bullshit that happened in heaven the night prior. He could still feel the ghost of the amulet Sam had given him all those Christmases ago around his neck, feeling as though it were an invisible noose. He needed to throw it away. He couldn't look at it anymore, not after the betrayal and heartbreak he felt at Sam's ideas of happiness, all of which didn't include him.

Dean pressed his heavy boot down harder on the gas pedal and turned up the radio in hopes of speeding away from the bad thoughts and drowning out the voices. The steady purr of Baby's engine and Zep's  _Ramble On_ calmed him slightly, taking his mind to happier things. He thought about the time he and Cas went to that strip joint and Cas scared that poor girl away by confronting her daddy issues. Dean hadn't laughed that hard in a long time.

Dean smiled fondly at the memory and loosened his death grip from the steering wheel. He felt bad for the wayward angel. Cas had rebelled against his brothers and sisters to stand beside the Winchesters with some hope that maybe, just maybe, things would work out, that they would find God and resolve this whole apocalypse mess. Cas knew his father had been MIA for some time, but knowing that He was on earth and not doing a single damn thing to help infuriated him, but most of all, it broke his heart. Dean knew the feeling; if there was one thing he knew, it was deadbeat dads.

 _"I don't need this anymore_ ," Cas's voice replayed in Dean's head. " _It's worthless."_

 _You're damn right, man,_ Dean thought. That amulet was a symbol of Sam and Dean's brotherly love, but after all that Dean had seen, he lost faith in that, just as Cas lost faith in his Father. Dean and Cas both threw away one of the last things they had faith in, and if that didn't speak volumes, what would? Although, there is one thing they hadn't given up on: each other.

Dean turned down the radio and looked over to the empty passenger's seat. "Cas, you got your ears on?" He asked and fixed his eyes back on the road. "Listen," he cleared his throat and continued, "I know you probably want to be alone right now after our 'Where's Waldo?' hunt, but I just want you to know that I... I understand, Cas, and I'm here for you, man."

Cas appeared following the brief, familiar sound of fluttering angel wings. "Hello, Dean."

Dean looked over at Cas, who was staring down at his hands, refusing to meet Dean's gaze. It hurt him to see Cas - a warrior, an angel of the Lord - so beat down and broken, especially because he knew the reason. After John died, Dean had this revelation that he was not going to let his father's piss poor parenting skills hang over his head forever. Sure, Dean still hadn't let go of everything John had done, but he was working on it one step at a time. Dean spent many years hating his father and after far too long, he realized that wasn't getting him anywhere, and right now, Cas needed to realize that, too.

"Heya, Cas," Dean said as he looked at the road before returning to the angel. "Cas, look at me."

Cas lifted his head and quickly glanced at Dean before letting his eyes fall back to his folded hands.

"Alright, that's it," Dean huffed as he slowed down and brought the Impala to a stop on the side of the highway. He put the car in park and turned to face Cas, who was still averting his eyes from him.

"Cas..." Dean whispered as he reached his hand out toward the angel, placing his hand on top of Cas's and rubbing his thumb in circles. The faint sound of crickets, Baby's idle, and each other's breathing were the only things they could hear.

Normally, Dean would never do such a thing, but after staring down the barrels of Roy and Walt's shotguns, things changed. Staring his mortality in the face, Dean thought of Sam - of course - but then he thought of Cas and how much he means to him. Dean had actually been struggling with his feelings for the angel for quite a while. Cas saved him from perdition and believed in him when no one else did. After letting go of all the homophobic crap John and the rest of society spouted, Dean realized that he loves Cas. Now after being blown away and taking a round trip to heaven and back, he's come to the conclusion that he doesn't give a damn about what people might say or think.

"Cas, man, you gotta know that everything will be okay."

Cas met Dean's eyes. Blue meeting green; heaven and earth. "How do you know?"

"Just trust me. Look, I know what it's like to be disappointed in your own father. It fucking sucks, but you gotta keep on keepin' on."

"Is that what you do?"

Bob Dylan's  _Let It Be Me_ began to play quietly in the background.

"Yeah," Dean gave him a small smile upon recognizing the song. "I'm going to tell you this now so you don't spend years being pissed off and hurt about it, okay? I've spent way too much time on wondering why my dad was such an asshole or why he was the way that he was, and I can't watch you go through the same thing, Cas," Dean looked down at their joined hands. "I just can't."

"Why, Dean?" Cas said as he did the cute little head tilting squint thing Dean loved.

"Because it was a waste of my time. Because it did nothing but make me feel worse. And because I-" Dean swallowed the lump in his throat.

Cas brought his right hand up to Dean's face, using two fingers to lift the man's chin so their eyes would meet. "Because what?"

"Because I-I love you, Cas... and I hate seeing you upset, especially over a good-for-nothing father. You deserve so much better than that."

"Dean..." Cas sighed, feeling a strange sensation in the corners of his eyes, his vision blurred with tears. He was crying. He thought humans cried when they were sad, but he was happy. He didn't know much about love, but suddenly he remembered when he was putting Dean back together upon raising him from hell; it was then that he fell in love with Dean. Dean's soul was a beacon of light in a Godless place, a lighthouse in a sea of sin. It's that same light that has guided Cas away from the corruption of his brothers and sisters to a place of agency and freedom.

"For the love of Christ, Cas, say something..." Dean's voice nervously shook.

"I love you, too, Dean," Cas caressed Dean's face, who leaned into the touch, closing his eyes and breathing a sigh of relief. He lifted his left hand from under Dean's and moved it up to Dean's right shoulder, exactly where he gripped him before.

A single tear rolled down Dean's face, which Cas brushed away with his thumb. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I-I, uh, I'm just a little speechless right now. You have no idea how good it feels to hear your say that, especially after all this bullshit with Sam."

"Dean, look at me."

Dean opened his watery eyes to Cas's soft, concerned expression. "Is this about what you saw in heaven?" he inquired, to which Dean nodded. When Cas appeared on the television in Sam's Thanksgiving memory, he felt the tension between the two brothers. Although he couldn't return to heaven and maintaining contact with them was difficult, Cas attempted to keep a watchful eye on the boys as they traveled down the divine road. He noticed that all of the places that they had gone to that were Sam's memories often shared the same theme: escape.

"Sam loves you. Regardless of what you saw in heaven, you must know that," Cas soothed, running his thumb over Dean's cheek.

"Then why were all of his memories... Why were they-"

"Why were they all about getting away? They weren't about getting away from you, they were about getting away from your father."

"But what about-"

"You have to keep in mind that those memories were created during a very troublesome time in Sam's life. He felt differently then than he does now, Dean. I'm sure if you kept traveling that road, there would be plenty of memories about the two of you. I may not be human, but I know love when I see it, and Sam loves you," Cas said as he squeezed his shoulder, "and I love you."

Dean scooted closer to Cas and held the angel's face between his calloused hands, pulling it closer to his own. Their lips brushed together in a single, chaste kiss. The street light that stood a few feet from the front of the Impala exploded, causing them to break away.

"I've never actually had sparks fly before," Dean smiled in the direction of the light and chuckled.

They rode back to the motel together, hand-in-hand. Although what Dean saw in Sam's heaven still hurt him, Cas comforted him and made him better understand the situation. He was right; Sam felt differently back then than he did now. After all the crap he and Sam had been through over the past four or five years, Dean realized that Sam really does love him.

"Hold on," Dean said to Cas as he pulled off onto an exit thirty miles or so away from the motel he and Sam were staying. "Gotta make a pit stop."

He pulled into the lot of the motel they stayed at last night, hoping to God - or whoever - that no one was in the room as he picked the lock. Opening the door slowly, Dean saw the beds were neatly made and cleared of the dozen or so empty beer cans he left in his wake. He looked down to the left of the door into the small wastebasket. Luckily, the maids seemed to have forgotten to empty it. He dug through the trash until he found it; lying on top of some cheeseburger wrappers was the amulet.

"Yahtzee," Dean said to himself as he took it from the bin and put it on back in its rightful place.

Dean walked out of the room, grinning from ear-to-ear as he slid back into the Impala. Cas smiled as he saw the amulet hanging between Dean's pectoral muscles. Dean leaned over to give Cas a quick peck. "Let's go home."

 


End file.
